Sunday Wandering

Paris is a city where it doesn't matter what the weather is doing, it's just always beautiful. Even without the blue skies and sunshine, the buildings still stand tall, bearing the rain as they have for centuries. The river still glimmers, the Tower still sparkles. Paris is never gloomy, it's merely different. I felt a strange comfort walking around in the misty cold rain today. It was as if the city was saying, "Don't worry, I've seen it all before, and I will protect you."







The clouds and puddles make the architecture stand out in a different way. It's been a long time since I've wandered around a city with my camera in hand, just taking in the surroundings. Even so, it was only a matter of time before I began seeing it all in a different way, as if the lens of my camera was calling to me to snap this angle or capture that moment. It's the sort of thing I used to feel all the time when I was living in Belgium. That shift in perspective was oh so welcome. It's the feeling of raw creativity and the desire to grab hold of the beauty all around you and translate it onto an image. I love that feeling and I love the art that comes from it.







It's crazy to me how comfortable I feel here in Paris. There are parts of this city that I know so well, despite only having been here a few times before, and not for very long. However, today, walking along the Seine, with Notre Dame right across the river, it felt so familiar and welcoming. It hasn't even been two weeks since I arrived, but it already feels like home here. Sure, there are things that are still daunting, like the constant striving to speak better French and the overwhelming desire to make the Parisians believe I'm not a tourist (THAT struggle is real), but I don't feel at all out of place in this city. I feel that this is where I'm meant to be.







Today's quest was really to find a good Sunday marché, which led me to a couple different areas of the city, and lots of wandering. I never ended up finding the one I was looking for, but I did stumble upon a great one towards the end of the afternoon, and I also finally made it to Shakespeare and Co! You guys. If you ever come to Paris, DO NOT skip this one! I've been in lots of bookstores. If you know me at all, you know how much I love books (and how much of a problem that is for my wallet). This was one of the coolest, quirkiest bookstores I've ever been in. I'd heard about it several times from many different people, but I had no idea what to expect. I definitely didn't think it would be as cozy as it is! Although it's actually quite large, it feels very intimate because 1) the sheer volume of books that surrounds you at all times, and 2) each of the rooms that makes up the shop is actually quite small, especially with all the people in there. There are lots of little nooks all over the place with lumpy old couches where you can recline with a book, and upstairs is their collection of old books, not to be purchased, but perused there in their library. Just about all the books they carry are in English, and everyone there was speaking English first. I can tell you now, I just know I'll be spending a good bit of my time in that shop. Just being there today, I almost cried several times out of sheer overwhelming joy and comfort. It's a haven. You aren't allowed to take pictures in there, which is why I don't have any of those for you guys, but trust me. I can't believe it took me so long to get there, but now I can't wait to go back! I did purchase one book: "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Because I just had to.







The rest of my time was spent wandering down little alleys and side streets, photographing huge beautiful old doors, and spending a few more euros here and there on antique books, piled high by the vendors at the outdoor marché at Place St Michel. My day was wrapped up sitting in my tiny little apartment, wrapped in my comforter with a takeout pizza and a glass of rosé, because it's a rainy Sunday and what else do you do on rainy Sunday evenings?

Where do you like to wander? Have you ever seen Paris in the rain?

My Tiny Corner of Paris

WOW I can't believe I've been here for over a week already! But also, it feels like I've been here for so much longer. I've been meaning to get on here and update everyone, because I've been getting so many questions via Instagram about where I'm staying and what it's like so far! Plus, last time I was living abroad, I found that keeping my blog was a really great way to document the year and keep track of all the ups and downs and twists and turns! It's always fun looking back on those posts to see how I felt at any given time. Of course, I was also 18 years old at the time, so that makes a big difference, too! It's kind of like looking back through your diaries. There are some things you remember so vividly, others you'd forgotten entirely, and still others that you can't believe were such a big deal at the time. Regardless, it's cool to look back though your own eyes, but at a different stage of your life.







ANYWAY. I arrived in Paris last Tuesday, so I've been here about 9 days. I'm living just west of the actual city of Paris in a town called Neuilly-Sur-Seine. Even though I'm not *technically* in Paris proper, I'm so close I might as well be! It only takes me about fifteen minutes to walk to the Arc de Triomphe, which is at the end of the famed Champs Elysées. From there, the entire city is at my fingertips! Every morning, when I walk to the train, I can see the top portion of the Eiffel Tower in the distance. It's absolutely unreal. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating in a dream, like this can't possibly be real life. But it is and I'm here and it's amazing!









So. Neuilly. It's a really lovely town, and pretty much an extension of Paris. The buildings are all that beautiful, old, classically French architecture. You know, the kind you see in those mass produced prints that you can buy at HomeGoods and Target. Except here, it isn't mass produced, and it's real life! This town has some hustle and bustle, but still feels homey and suburban, to an extent. There are kids rolling along on their skateboards or scooters up and down the sidewalks, lots of little shops selling houseplants or antiques or produce, and plenty of cafes and restaurants. One thing is for sure: the people here have money. You can feel it just walking down the streets and looking up at the residential buildings. Then you see the massive, beautiful schools and there's no doubt. Plus, any time I tell anyone where I'm living, the first thing they always say is "Wow, you're so lucky! That's where the rich people live!" It's true, I do feel very lucky to be here!







A lot of people ask me if the program is providing our housing. Unfortunately not, so we are each responsible for finding our own accommodations for the year. Again, I definitely lucked out. I found my housing before even arriving in Paris, which I suppose is pretty uncommon. I have an arrangement with a family here in Neuilly, where I am essentially nannying for them in exchange for my apartment, which is just three floors above theirs! It's a tiny little studio, but it's so charming and has everything I need, along with a stellar view! I recently found out that these small spaces on the top floors of buildings like this were probably maids' quarters way back when the buildings were constructed. Mine does have it's own bathroom and a little kitchen, complete with a small fridge, microwave and hotplate. It's super simple, but I absolutely love it!







The family is just wonderful. The two parents and three children are all so kind and very welcoming! In the afternoons, I go and pick the youngest one up from school, help her with her homework, and accompany her to her theatre and dance classes (a girl after my own heart!). I speak English with them, so that they can practice and improve their speaking skills. Sometimes I have meals with all of them, which is always a treat! While I am so happy to become a sort of part of the family, it's really nice to be able to have my own space, as well. I had host families when I was an exchange student, and at 26 years old, I am so glad to be able to be autonomous while living in Paris!







Sometimes I really can't believe I'm here. I am so happy to be in Paris, living out this crazy dream. I've fallen in love with this city a couple times before, and I have a feeling I'm about to do it all over again. I am so grateful God brought me here and has had my back as I adjust and settle in. He really is so good! Well, I have so much more to tell you all and I will be writing again soon! Have you lived abroad before? How did it feel at first?

She's BACK! And She's Paris-Bound

As I type this, I'm sitting at my gate at the Philadelphia airport, waiting for my flight to move to Paris. There are a ton of thoughts going through my head, but the loudest and most predominant one is WUUUUT IS HAPPENING!!!

For those of you that don't know, in just a few hours, I will board a plane and travel to Paris, France, to complete a contract as an English Teaching Assistant at a high school right outside of the city! I am so excited to start this new adventure and open a brand new shiny chapter of my life. This is something I've been wanting to do for years, and been looking forward to since I found out about my acceptance six months ago. I can't believe it's here, now, and that I can actually check this dream of living in Paris off my bucket list!





As with any new beginnings, it definitely makes me think back over the past year, and reflect on how I got here. If you've been following along, then you know that about one year ago, I packed up my life and moved to New York City, basically on a whim. The last year didn't exactly go to plan, but if nothing else, it was a year of growth and discovery. Discovery of a new part of the country, of course, but more so discovery of myself.





So here I sit, mulling over the last year. So much happened in that year. A lot of it is a cloudy blur of emotions. I went to NYC thinking I'd already hit rock bottom. Little did I know, rock bottom was actually far below that place. I know that because I found it, in the darkest places I didn't even realize existed. It's a scary thing, facing a previously unknown level of darkness in your mind. While it was insanely difficult, and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, it led to this: a new me, who was actually the real me that had somehow just gotten lost in the shuffle. Trust me, her and I are both very happy she's back!





They say hindsight is 20/20. Well, lemme tell you, I see so crystal-clearly now all the stages that brought me to this point. It's like a mountain. I was at the bottom of the mountain, and I needed to climb up. With this newly attained 20/20 vision, I can see exactly where I grabbed a solid rock, where my footing faltered, and where I flat out fell back to the bottom of the mountain. Even with all those setbacks, though, now I find myself on top of the mountain, looking over at all the crevices and loose rock that hurt me, but also all the ledges and holds where I pulled myself up. It's powerful to look at it and know, I've conquered that damn mountain!





My revelation was uneventful. It wasn't brought on by any crazy happening or near death experience or anything like that. One day, I literally just looked in the mirror and saw myself for what I really am, instead of the warped and twisted vision of myself that I've been living with for the last several years. I saw a strong, confident, intelligent daughter of God who is capable of great things: the ability of both giving and receiving joy and happiness. It was an intense moment, and it changed literally everything. I no longer see myself as worthless or any of the number of horrible names I've been called throughout my adult life. My self worth, my self image, all of it took a 180 degree turn. I'm trying here, but it's indescribable, how empowering that feeling is!





Of course, looking out, I know there are other mountains ahead. But you know, once you climb one mountain, you kind of get a feeling of what you're going to need to look out for, and what you can grab hold of to help you. Not that I know exactly what lies before me (cause who does?), but I know that I am so much stronger and more capable than I once thought.

This is an emotional thing to think about, and an emotional one to write about. But if you're sitting somewhere now, whether it's at an airport, bus stop, school, library, or sitting on your couch at home, and you're reading this thinking, yes I know exactly what she means, I hope you know that you, too, can climb the mountain ahead of you!

You'll never know what exactly you're capable of until you push yourself. Then you'll be surprised with what you can accomplish.

God would never give you more than you can handle.





If you're struggling, please believe that it will get better. If you're sad, please believe that God is walking with you, holding your hand. If you're heart is broken, please believe that it will heal. If you feel like you've lost yourself, please remember and believe that it is impossible, because YOU are always within YOU.

So here I am, cleansed, fresh, and ready to embark on yet another journey. The next 7 months are about even more self discovery. I keep saying it's going to be an exercise in self development, and I truly believe that. While in France, I intend on digging even deeper into this best version of myself. Please join me! Sometimes I'll be talking about this heavy stuff, but I'll also be sharing the fun and excitement of living abroad! And as always, don't hesitate to reach out if this affected you, or you need a friend to lean on. Even if we've never met, we're all doing this whole life thing together, and we have each other's backs :)

Are you climbing a mountain? Have you reached the top of one before? Are you scared to start the climb? Let's lift each other up on our journeys!





P.S. This is a vintage dress that I found at a little resale shop in Savannah. It's become one of my summer favorites!