She's BACK! And She's Paris-Bound

As I type this, I'm sitting at my gate at the Philadelphia airport, waiting for my flight to move to Paris. There are a ton of thoughts going through my head, but the loudest and most predominant one is WUUUUT IS HAPPENING!!!

For those of you that don't know, in just a few hours, I will board a plane and travel to Paris, France, to complete a contract as an English Teaching Assistant at a high school right outside of the city! I am so excited to start this new adventure and open a brand new shiny chapter of my life. This is something I've been wanting to do for years, and been looking forward to since I found out about my acceptance six months ago. I can't believe it's here, now, and that I can actually check this dream of living in Paris off my bucket list!





As with any new beginnings, it definitely makes me think back over the past year, and reflect on how I got here. If you've been following along, then you know that about one year ago, I packed up my life and moved to New York City, basically on a whim. The last year didn't exactly go to plan, but if nothing else, it was a year of growth and discovery. Discovery of a new part of the country, of course, but more so discovery of myself.





So here I sit, mulling over the last year. So much happened in that year. A lot of it is a cloudy blur of emotions. I went to NYC thinking I'd already hit rock bottom. Little did I know, rock bottom was actually far below that place. I know that because I found it, in the darkest places I didn't even realize existed. It's a scary thing, facing a previously unknown level of darkness in your mind. While it was insanely difficult, and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, it led to this: a new me, who was actually the real me that had somehow just gotten lost in the shuffle. Trust me, her and I are both very happy she's back!





They say hindsight is 20/20. Well, lemme tell you, I see so crystal-clearly now all the stages that brought me to this point. It's like a mountain. I was at the bottom of the mountain, and I needed to climb up. With this newly attained 20/20 vision, I can see exactly where I grabbed a solid rock, where my footing faltered, and where I flat out fell back to the bottom of the mountain. Even with all those setbacks, though, now I find myself on top of the mountain, looking over at all the crevices and loose rock that hurt me, but also all the ledges and holds where I pulled myself up. It's powerful to look at it and know, I've conquered that damn mountain!





My revelation was uneventful. It wasn't brought on by any crazy happening or near death experience or anything like that. One day, I literally just looked in the mirror and saw myself for what I really am, instead of the warped and twisted vision of myself that I've been living with for the last several years. I saw a strong, confident, intelligent daughter of God who is capable of great things: the ability of both giving and receiving joy and happiness. It was an intense moment, and it changed literally everything. I no longer see myself as worthless or any of the number of horrible names I've been called throughout my adult life. My self worth, my self image, all of it took a 180 degree turn. I'm trying here, but it's indescribable, how empowering that feeling is!





Of course, looking out, I know there are other mountains ahead. But you know, once you climb one mountain, you kind of get a feeling of what you're going to need to look out for, and what you can grab hold of to help you. Not that I know exactly what lies before me (cause who does?), but I know that I am so much stronger and more capable than I once thought.

This is an emotional thing to think about, and an emotional one to write about. But if you're sitting somewhere now, whether it's at an airport, bus stop, school, library, or sitting on your couch at home, and you're reading this thinking, yes I know exactly what she means, I hope you know that you, too, can climb the mountain ahead of you!

You'll never know what exactly you're capable of until you push yourself. Then you'll be surprised with what you can accomplish.

God would never give you more than you can handle.





If you're struggling, please believe that it will get better. If you're sad, please believe that God is walking with you, holding your hand. If you're heart is broken, please believe that it will heal. If you feel like you've lost yourself, please remember and believe that it is impossible, because YOU are always within YOU.

So here I am, cleansed, fresh, and ready to embark on yet another journey. The next 7 months are about even more self discovery. I keep saying it's going to be an exercise in self development, and I truly believe that. While in France, I intend on digging even deeper into this best version of myself. Please join me! Sometimes I'll be talking about this heavy stuff, but I'll also be sharing the fun and excitement of living abroad! And as always, don't hesitate to reach out if this affected you, or you need a friend to lean on. Even if we've never met, we're all doing this whole life thing together, and we have each other's backs :)

Are you climbing a mountain? Have you reached the top of one before? Are you scared to start the climb? Let's lift each other up on our journeys!





P.S. This is a vintage dress that I found at a little resale shop in Savannah. It's become one of my summer favorites!

Antique Time

A few months ago, I went on a road trip all the way to Illinois for the sole purpose of going to a restaurant called Sweet Tomatoes. I used to eat there all the time when I was in Florida and I loved it. Unfortunately, they don't exist in Ohio, and closest one is near Chicago. When we had a day off of school, Steve and I jumped in the car and spent six hours driving to eat there! On the way, we came across an antique mall and decided to take a look. Here are some of the awesome treasures that were buried in the booths.

Classy In The City

Today I helped a friend with a film project, which meant I went back to campus for the first time since classes ended for the summer. Even though it looked pretty much the same, it felt really different. Of course, this could have been because it was sunny and there were only a handful of students milling about, but I also think that maybe it is because I am actually really looking forward to the new year ahead. I'm ready to be the fun, confident, positive, and outgoing person that I really am.





Last year, I found that I started to waiver in my confidence, not only in my talent, but really in myself as a person. For some reason, I didn't feel as sure of myself and I definitely didn't feel like I was a good enough actress to be in the company of my peers at school. Little by little, over the course of the year, I managed to build myself back up. This took a lot of work, of course. I had to teach myself how to be positive, how to ignore the self-judgement, and how to quit comparing myself to the others around me. After a year of all of this self-improvement, I find myself in a really good place, and I am ready to conquer the upcoming year!





That was a really abbreviated version of what I went through. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to purge myself on the internet just yet... Anyways, I absolutely love this jumper! It certainly isn't the most versatile piece in my closet, but it is unique and has the best vintage feel to it. Plus it's really soft! I love the buttons down the front and the criss cross straps on the back. The bow in the front just makes it! I paired it this time with a light and flowy white button-down shirt, which has that menswear vibe while still being feminine with the light fabric. To top it all off, I added some antique gold earrings with pearl accents and an antique pearl necklace. Both are heirloom items that have been passed down in my family and I am always proud to wear them. A little red lipstick put the cherry on top and completed the look.





My shoes are brand new from H&M and I have to tell you, I'm obsessed with them! Usually, the flats at H&M don't fit me properly, but these were just perfect! They're comfortable, perfectly shaped, and ridiculously cute. I love the suede feeling to them as well. I love them so much that I not only bought them in black, but also in a plum color. There will probably be a post dedicated solely to them coming up soon!





What techniques do you use to help your self-confidence? What are your favorite pieces from your wardrobe? Anything that you're obsessing over right now?

Happy Fourth!

Obviously, it is no longer the Fourth of July... But hey, we were all busy with cookouts and fireworks anyways, right? It's totally fine that I'm posting a day late :)

Yesterday was a pretty chill Independence Day at my house. Just me, my parents, my sister and my boyfriend hanging out and eating lots of yummies. We were hoping for some pool time, but it was a bit chilly here. I skipped out on the pool, but still had fun spending the day with Steve. We were long due for some quality couple time. We didn't end up seeing any fireworks, either, but my parents and sister did go see a movie. Steve was passed out on my couch, so we opted out.

People don't realize it, but Independence Day is probably the most important holiday in our country's history. I mean, obviously Christmas and Easter trump it on the religious/cultural scale, but as far as the USA goes, the Fourth is definitely up there and worth taking the time to think about. We wouldn't even be here today, living the way we do if the events of that day hadn't happened. Who knows where we would be! I, personally, am very happy with the way my life is right now, and though some people think that at this point, we may be better off still being ruled by another country, the fact is that these United States wouldn't be ANYTHING like they are now if it weren't for our founding fathers and our declaring our independence. There is a reason that patriotism is strong in this country, because we're awesome and worth celebrating. Our freedom is a blessing, and we should take this day to remember that.

I had decided to go for the vintage look yesterday with my white high-waisted shorts. Looking at these photos, they really could have used a second iron, but after doing it once that morning, I didn't have the patience or motivation to do it again... I had originally thought I would wear my red and white polka dotted bikini top, since we would just be lounging around in the backyard, but I guess I had gotten rid of that bathing suit because it was nowhere to be found. Instead, I closet-picked a flowy red and navy blue shirt from my sister and tied it up to go with the shorts. I actually had to take those shorts in that morning because they were a good inch and a half too big, and with no belt loops, that wasn't going to fly with me. I think I did a pretty good job! To that I added a navy blue head scarf, winged-out liquid liner, and bright red lipstick to complete the look.

The wind was not having mercy on my hair. I think I redid it three times yesterday. What did you do for the Fourth?