2019 - A Year of Emotional Freedom

And just like that, it's 2019! 2018 was one of those years that was simultaneously so long, but also went by in the blink of an eye. SO much happened in the last year. I moved three times, and one of those times was to Paris. I worked several jobs, met so many people, started some new projects, and went on the most intense emotional roller coaster to date. Sometimes I look back and I can't believe how much stuff happened in a single year... Do you ever feel that way?



So. Resolutions. As is customary, I have spent the last several days pondering my New Years Resolutions and Intentions. (I think I like the word "intentions" better than "resolutions") This year I have decided to do things a little differently. Instead of writing down several lofty goals for myself that seem unachievable, even with all the hope in the world, I am writing down smaller actions that I can implement every day to ultimately help me become a better person throughout the year. And for my couple of really big goals, I've broken them down into manageable bites that will be less overwhelming when I look back at them.

First, I broke my intentions down into categories: healthy habits, spirituality, career, art, writing, organization, and my planner project (I'm designing a planner, if you didn't know!). From there, I wrote down my actions steps. For example, under "healthy habits", I wrote things like "eat out less" and "take supplements daily". Under "art", I wrote "keep Etsy updated" and "use project calendars". Having everything written down this way helps me keep track of things, and lets me see that a lot of what I want to achieve overlaps between categories, like reading more and praying before bed are both habits I want to develop, but they will also help me achieve my "no screen half an hour before bed" goal!

The best part about writing down my intentions this way and seeing it all broken down, it makes me realize that it all serves one ultimate goal: to look back at 2019 with happiness and fulfillment. That is my biggest intention for this year. The last several New Years, I've looked back at the previous year and thought, "WOW that was a rough year". When we ring in 2020, I want to look back and think "WOW that was such a great year!" Even if it didn't always go my way (and let's be real, it won't, cause that's not how life works), I'll at least be able to look back and think "I found happiness. I bettered myself and I grew immensely because of my intentions."

2019 is going to be different for me. This is going to be my Year of Emotional Freedom. I am intentionally letting go of lots of past pain, and embracing everyday joy! I am embracing all the things that make me who I am, even those things that once made me insecure. I am an emotional human, I am passionate about art and pursuing the things that make us happy, contributing to the world, and I care exponentially more about all of those things over making money. No more shame in these traits of mine!

Here is a full list of my 2019 Intentions:

*LOOK BACK WITH HAPPINESS*

*EMOTIONAL FREEDOM*

*HEALTHY HABITS*

- Eat out less

- No screen half an hour before bed

- Take supplements daily

- Develop yoga practice

*SPIRITUALITY*

- Pray before bed

- Wake up to my Bible

- Church at least once a month

- Practice gratitude

*CAREER*

- Focus on getting back on stage

- Read more plays and listen to more soundtracks

- More dance classes

- Restart voice lessons

*ART*

- Keep CranberryInk social media up to date

- Paint at least once per week

- Use project calendars

- Keep Etsy shop updated

*WRITING*

- Journal once per week

- Blog once per week

- Use photography on the blog

- Read more

*ORGANIZATION*

- Project calendars

- Checklists

*PLANNER DESIGN*

- Finish the whole year's design

- Develop marketing strategy

- Product ready to sell by August

- Use social media for self promotion

What are your Resolutions or Intentions for the New Year? Do you feel motivated? What are you embracing or letting go of in 2019?

She's BACK! And She's Paris-Bound

As I type this, I'm sitting at my gate at the Philadelphia airport, waiting for my flight to move to Paris. There are a ton of thoughts going through my head, but the loudest and most predominant one is WUUUUT IS HAPPENING!!!

For those of you that don't know, in just a few hours, I will board a plane and travel to Paris, France, to complete a contract as an English Teaching Assistant at a high school right outside of the city! I am so excited to start this new adventure and open a brand new shiny chapter of my life. This is something I've been wanting to do for years, and been looking forward to since I found out about my acceptance six months ago. I can't believe it's here, now, and that I can actually check this dream of living in Paris off my bucket list!





As with any new beginnings, it definitely makes me think back over the past year, and reflect on how I got here. If you've been following along, then you know that about one year ago, I packed up my life and moved to New York City, basically on a whim. The last year didn't exactly go to plan, but if nothing else, it was a year of growth and discovery. Discovery of a new part of the country, of course, but more so discovery of myself.





So here I sit, mulling over the last year. So much happened in that year. A lot of it is a cloudy blur of emotions. I went to NYC thinking I'd already hit rock bottom. Little did I know, rock bottom was actually far below that place. I know that because I found it, in the darkest places I didn't even realize existed. It's a scary thing, facing a previously unknown level of darkness in your mind. While it was insanely difficult, and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, it led to this: a new me, who was actually the real me that had somehow just gotten lost in the shuffle. Trust me, her and I are both very happy she's back!





They say hindsight is 20/20. Well, lemme tell you, I see so crystal-clearly now all the stages that brought me to this point. It's like a mountain. I was at the bottom of the mountain, and I needed to climb up. With this newly attained 20/20 vision, I can see exactly where I grabbed a solid rock, where my footing faltered, and where I flat out fell back to the bottom of the mountain. Even with all those setbacks, though, now I find myself on top of the mountain, looking over at all the crevices and loose rock that hurt me, but also all the ledges and holds where I pulled myself up. It's powerful to look at it and know, I've conquered that damn mountain!





My revelation was uneventful. It wasn't brought on by any crazy happening or near death experience or anything like that. One day, I literally just looked in the mirror and saw myself for what I really am, instead of the warped and twisted vision of myself that I've been living with for the last several years. I saw a strong, confident, intelligent daughter of God who is capable of great things: the ability of both giving and receiving joy and happiness. It was an intense moment, and it changed literally everything. I no longer see myself as worthless or any of the number of horrible names I've been called throughout my adult life. My self worth, my self image, all of it took a 180 degree turn. I'm trying here, but it's indescribable, how empowering that feeling is!





Of course, looking out, I know there are other mountains ahead. But you know, once you climb one mountain, you kind of get a feeling of what you're going to need to look out for, and what you can grab hold of to help you. Not that I know exactly what lies before me (cause who does?), but I know that I am so much stronger and more capable than I once thought.

This is an emotional thing to think about, and an emotional one to write about. But if you're sitting somewhere now, whether it's at an airport, bus stop, school, library, or sitting on your couch at home, and you're reading this thinking, yes I know exactly what she means, I hope you know that you, too, can climb the mountain ahead of you!

You'll never know what exactly you're capable of until you push yourself. Then you'll be surprised with what you can accomplish.

God would never give you more than you can handle.





If you're struggling, please believe that it will get better. If you're sad, please believe that God is walking with you, holding your hand. If you're heart is broken, please believe that it will heal. If you feel like you've lost yourself, please remember and believe that it is impossible, because YOU are always within YOU.

So here I am, cleansed, fresh, and ready to embark on yet another journey. The next 7 months are about even more self discovery. I keep saying it's going to be an exercise in self development, and I truly believe that. While in France, I intend on digging even deeper into this best version of myself. Please join me! Sometimes I'll be talking about this heavy stuff, but I'll also be sharing the fun and excitement of living abroad! And as always, don't hesitate to reach out if this affected you, or you need a friend to lean on. Even if we've never met, we're all doing this whole life thing together, and we have each other's backs :)

Are you climbing a mountain? Have you reached the top of one before? Are you scared to start the climb? Let's lift each other up on our journeys!





P.S. This is a vintage dress that I found at a little resale shop in Savannah. It's become one of my summer favorites!

Recommit in February!

How are we already three days into February? I thought 2017 flew by, but it seems like 2018 is going to move just as quickly! As we enter into this second month of the year, I'm sure I'm not the only one reflecting on my New Year's Resolutions, and where I stand in my progress. Obviously, we all know there is nothing magical about January 1st. We don't just enter into the New Year and miraculously have our lives all figured out. For some people, though, the Beginning is a great motivator to make some changes! After that beginning, though, we have to make the conscious decision to stick to our guns and achieve our goals. This February, I encourage you to take another look at the resolutions you set for yourself, and recommit to them!

One of my goals was to get this blog back up and running. While I obviously have done that, I'm going to recommit to my content, and give it some more of my attention. This blog is both an outlet and an inspiration for my creativity! I have found that since I decided to make 2018 my Personal Renaissance, I have done quite a bit more writing, which has brought some clarity to my life. A lot of it is very close personal stuff that maybe one day I will share. For now, though, this is my platform for public writing, inspiring, and connecting. I hope that in the coming weeks, you find something that speaks to you!

Over this weekend, I challenge you to take a good hard look at what you want to accomplish this year. Maybe your intentions or circumstances have changed. Maybe you need something else out of your life right now than you'd anticipated. There's nothing wrong with adjusting your goals as your life changes. Be real with yourself, and push yourself towards those goals! I know I will. If you need an accountability partner, go out and get one! And remember, I'm always here for you, whatever you need. What are your current goals? How was January for you? How are you going to make even bigger strides from here on out? Let's inspire each other!

Inspiration // Positivity

I really believe that we have the power to change our own lives. I also believe that if you want your life to change, you're the only one that can do it. It has been a difficult week. There have been ups and downs and twists and turns and this one week has felt like an entire year. Let's just say I'm glad it's over.

Even though nothing particularly catastrophic happened in my life this week, I have been particularly thoughtful. Mostly about how I spend my time and how I can make myself better, in what I do but also as a person. I have these thoughts often, especially as I'm approaching the end of my undergraduate education and thinking more seriously about moving and getting started with the next phase of my life. Every time, I come back to the same goal: stay positive.

Everything in life comes down to attitude. You can be the most talented, most skilled, most intelligent person on the planet, but if you have a poor attitude, that's what will come back to bite you in the end. I've been finding myself struggling to keep up the positivity the past few days, but I know that it is best that I continue to fight for it. It is an extremely important part of my life and my success. Positivity has the power to change you, and only you have the power to be positive. Really, YOU have the power to change YOU. So, if there's something in your life that you're unhappy about, you can change it. You just have to be willing to commit to making that change.

Life is fluid. It changes from day to day. I've been striving for positivity for a long time, most of the time with success! But, if we're all honest with ourselves, we all fall down. Sometimes it's not about making huge, permanent changes. Sometimes it's just about the little tweaks here and there to make our lives a little bit better every day.

I think I'm ready to make some changes. I'm ready, once again, to get back up and get positive. What about you?

Back To School!

Well, here we are once again. The beginning of the academic year. This is my fourth and final year at Cleveland State, and let me tell you, I am so ready to graduate! We are only in the second week of classes and it already seems like the tasks are piling up. I definitely came into this year, though, with a get-it-done mentality. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait to reach it!





This is the outfit that I wore on the first day of school, last Monday. This dress was one of those amazing finds on super sale that fit perfectly and wears so well. I found it over the summer at Urban Outfitters, on clearance! I rarely shop there, because I am a poor college student, but when I'm in Orlando, I often find myself in the store, just browsing and exploring the different patterns and shapes. I really think that if I didn't go into theatre, it would have been some aspect of fashion, be it design, weddings, what have you. I love this dress because it is light, airy, has a beautiful feminine shape and a lovely delicate pattern. I don't always go for the super girly style, but when I do, I enjoy the lace and floral features. To be honest, I probably have more floral prints in my closet than anything else. They are classic and timeless and, let's face it, they make me feel pretty!





This necklace is one of my staple accessories. I can't believe I haven't featured it on the blog yet. It was another lucky Florida find. I was in Macy's and there was only one left, without a tag on it, and I just knew I couldn't leave that store without it. It's one of my favorite necklaces of all time! It always reminds me of the old tales of Coco Chanel and how she wore her sewing scissors on a string of pearls around her neck. French perfection.





I'm going into this school year as positive as I could possibly be! I'm ready to take on the world and finish my education strong. I really believe in the power of positivity. A good attitude brings so many other good things with it. School is tough, yes, but it is one of those things in life that is always worth the work. My old band director used to say, it's 10% skill and 90% attitude. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I completely believe that so much of your success lies in your own self and how you perceive the world. It is a choice to keep your chin up. Is it always easy? Of course not. But the effort pays off the in the end. Trust me.

Are you back in school this year?