She's BACK! And She's Paris-Bound

As I type this, I'm sitting at my gate at the Philadelphia airport, waiting for my flight to move to Paris. There are a ton of thoughts going through my head, but the loudest and most predominant one is WUUUUT IS HAPPENING!!!

For those of you that don't know, in just a few hours, I will board a plane and travel to Paris, France, to complete a contract as an English Teaching Assistant at a high school right outside of the city! I am so excited to start this new adventure and open a brand new shiny chapter of my life. This is something I've been wanting to do for years, and been looking forward to since I found out about my acceptance six months ago. I can't believe it's here, now, and that I can actually check this dream of living in Paris off my bucket list!





As with any new beginnings, it definitely makes me think back over the past year, and reflect on how I got here. If you've been following along, then you know that about one year ago, I packed up my life and moved to New York City, basically on a whim. The last year didn't exactly go to plan, but if nothing else, it was a year of growth and discovery. Discovery of a new part of the country, of course, but more so discovery of myself.





So here I sit, mulling over the last year. So much happened in that year. A lot of it is a cloudy blur of emotions. I went to NYC thinking I'd already hit rock bottom. Little did I know, rock bottom was actually far below that place. I know that because I found it, in the darkest places I didn't even realize existed. It's a scary thing, facing a previously unknown level of darkness in your mind. While it was insanely difficult, and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, it led to this: a new me, who was actually the real me that had somehow just gotten lost in the shuffle. Trust me, her and I are both very happy she's back!





They say hindsight is 20/20. Well, lemme tell you, I see so crystal-clearly now all the stages that brought me to this point. It's like a mountain. I was at the bottom of the mountain, and I needed to climb up. With this newly attained 20/20 vision, I can see exactly where I grabbed a solid rock, where my footing faltered, and where I flat out fell back to the bottom of the mountain. Even with all those setbacks, though, now I find myself on top of the mountain, looking over at all the crevices and loose rock that hurt me, but also all the ledges and holds where I pulled myself up. It's powerful to look at it and know, I've conquered that damn mountain!





My revelation was uneventful. It wasn't brought on by any crazy happening or near death experience or anything like that. One day, I literally just looked in the mirror and saw myself for what I really am, instead of the warped and twisted vision of myself that I've been living with for the last several years. I saw a strong, confident, intelligent daughter of God who is capable of great things: the ability of both giving and receiving joy and happiness. It was an intense moment, and it changed literally everything. I no longer see myself as worthless or any of the number of horrible names I've been called throughout my adult life. My self worth, my self image, all of it took a 180 degree turn. I'm trying here, but it's indescribable, how empowering that feeling is!





Of course, looking out, I know there are other mountains ahead. But you know, once you climb one mountain, you kind of get a feeling of what you're going to need to look out for, and what you can grab hold of to help you. Not that I know exactly what lies before me (cause who does?), but I know that I am so much stronger and more capable than I once thought.

This is an emotional thing to think about, and an emotional one to write about. But if you're sitting somewhere now, whether it's at an airport, bus stop, school, library, or sitting on your couch at home, and you're reading this thinking, yes I know exactly what she means, I hope you know that you, too, can climb the mountain ahead of you!

You'll never know what exactly you're capable of until you push yourself. Then you'll be surprised with what you can accomplish.

God would never give you more than you can handle.





If you're struggling, please believe that it will get better. If you're sad, please believe that God is walking with you, holding your hand. If you're heart is broken, please believe that it will heal. If you feel like you've lost yourself, please remember and believe that it is impossible, because YOU are always within YOU.

So here I am, cleansed, fresh, and ready to embark on yet another journey. The next 7 months are about even more self discovery. I keep saying it's going to be an exercise in self development, and I truly believe that. While in France, I intend on digging even deeper into this best version of myself. Please join me! Sometimes I'll be talking about this heavy stuff, but I'll also be sharing the fun and excitement of living abroad! And as always, don't hesitate to reach out if this affected you, or you need a friend to lean on. Even if we've never met, we're all doing this whole life thing together, and we have each other's backs :)

Are you climbing a mountain? Have you reached the top of one before? Are you scared to start the climb? Let's lift each other up on our journeys!





P.S. This is a vintage dress that I found at a little resale shop in Savannah. It's become one of my summer favorites!

An Artist's Lament

A little over six months ago, I bared my soul to you all and told you some really personal stuff about my journey up until that point, after which vowing to myself and this endless internet that I was going to get back into blogging. Obviously that hasn't exactly shaped up the way I'd planned! I have been pretty absent from the internet, and even my social media has taken a serious backseat since I finished my 100 Happy Days challenge. I've given this a lot of thought as to why. I definitely *want* to get back into the blogosphere, and I think social media can be a really awesome outlet, especially for artists to get inspired and connect with one another. So why do I find myself having a really hard time opening up this laptop, putting my fingers to the keys and actually recording my thoughts?



I have a long history of blogging, on and off, and other creative outlets. When I lived abroad, I blogged almost every single day for those eleven months. Even on the days where I didn't have much to report, I'd still sit there 10 minutes before bed and write down the couple of thoughts that were ricocheting off the sides of my skull. That habit was really important to me! Not only was I documenting the greatest experience of my life, but it was also therapeutic to catalog my thoughts, get them out, and see them from another perspective. That was probably one of the most creative stints of my life, as I've mentioned before. I created some really beautiful artwork, wrote surprisingly profound poems, and even found myself choreographing more than ever before or since.

The truth is, for the last six months, I've barely touched any of my creative outlets. Blogging, painting, drawing, writing, even dancing have all been very difficult for me. The question remains, though, why? And *that* in and of itself has taken up a lot of my brain space. It's really hard to be an innately creative person, an artist, and actually have no desire to create and put new things out into the world.



The flip side of creating is that, while you're putting new things out there, they're actually little parts of you. Sometimes it's really difficult to put those really internal, sacred parts of you on display. Sure, people may not realize that's what's happening, but you know in your heart that that sentence you wrote, or that flower you painted, or that photo you posted, it represents a deep part of your soul. That's a really vulnerable feeling! When you're not necessarily in the best state of mind, or not entirely proud of where you are in life, it can become crippling. The only thing you know, creation, is somehow now impossible for you.

I realize that may sound unnecessarily deep or dramatic, even, but it's truly a form of exposure to share your creativity. It's letting people into your life in a way that maybe doesn't always feel good, because it's so raw. Art is raw, in all its forms. I do believe that, because true art comes from inside. Even my swirly little letters, I make them with intention and purpose, so they hold a piece of me. If my calligraphy is that personal, imagine how I must feel about my actual thoughts and feelings!



I find myself in a weird place right now, but I think if I can get myself back on the path of creating, I can process this weird place and all the feels that come along with it. This blog has proven to be such an outlet in the past, and I want it to be that again. Even if it's just full of pretty dresses and frilly letters for now! Please know that everything you see here is a reflection of me. I'm reminding you all, and myself, that it is powerful to show yourself to the world. Let's all help each other be brave in that way. Have the courage to be vulnerable, and embrace your power. It is the best thing you have to offer.

How do you share yourself with others? What have you been hesitant to share lately? I'm here to support you as you support me :)

All My Thoughts on Moving to France

I'm still kind of in shock! I cannot believe that in just about six short months, I will picking up to move, yet again. Except this time, I'm moving to France... WUT.



Basically this is how this happened:

Cleveland State University, fall semester 2011. I had just started my college experience. Having just come back from my year abroad in Belgium, I had declared a Theatre major and a French minor. Makes sense, right? Well, upon learning about my exchange experience, my French professors got a jump on recruiting me for the major. One of the major selling points was this awesome program in France where Americans go abroad to help teach English. Of course this sounded like something right up my alley. They impressed on my just how competitive it was, and if I was serious about pursuing something like that, it would be in my best interest to pick up the double major. Well, before I knew it, I had done exactly that. I had a Theatre and French double major. (And as if that wasn't enough, I also went ahead and picked up a Dance minor. But that's besides the point.)

Throughout my entire college career, this Teaching Assistant Program in France (TAPIF) was lingering in the back of my head. Post graduation, I moved to Florida and my priorities shifted. I knew I still wanted to go after this dream, and I knew I was dying to live in France, but it just wasn't the right time. Well, once I made the decision to leave Florida, I figured it was now or never. So, January 2018, I submitted all my application materials. A week ago, I got that long awaited email, congratulating me on my acceptance!



I have a LOT of feelings wrapped around this news. They are overwhelmingly positive, if not a little anxiety-provoking in some cases. My first and most prominent reaction is genuine relief. There have been a lot of decisions that I've been holding off on making, because they relied heavily on the outcome of this application.

The biggest one has definitely been my living situation. For those of you who don't know, in January I moved out of Manhattan to NJ for financial reasons. While I'm extremely grateful for the blessing of having this option available to me, it was difficult and disheartening leaving NYC after only three months (though I still commute into the city several times per week). Although I've been wanting to move back into Manhattan, I've also known that I won't if I get this program. So there has been this back and forth and back and forth in my brain on looking for a place, which is exhausting. It is now a huge weight off my shoulders knowing that I have a definitive answer for where I'll be living for the next six months.

I'm also struggling a little bit with the fact that I'll be leaving New York so soon after arriving... New York has been huge for me. Simply being here means so much, and is a big testament to my faith. New York is a symbol of all the difficulties of the last year and overcoming them. It's what I've been thinking about since I was a little 11-year-old who said she wanted to be an actress. It's been such a long time coming, and it took so much for me to finally get here. As amazing as this new opportunity is, it now feels sort of like I'm abandoning this big huge dream that I've talked about for so long and worked so hard for. Part of me feels guilty about that; like I'm being ungrateful for what I've been given.

Of course, my rational brain knows how silly that is. I have always lived my life, and intend to continue living, by taking hold of the opportunities that come, whenever that may be. What would really be ungrateful would be to turn this down, just for the sake of doing what I think others expect of me and my dedication to my career. I'm not selling out, and I'm not giving up on New York. I'm taking what God is offering me in this moment. NYC will always be here, but this opportunity may not be offered to me again. I have no idea what is going to happen after my program (and I think it's pretty useless to squash the joy of this news by trying, in vain, to figure that out right now), but I know that the option will always remain for me to come back here.



Speaking of my career... This is really a conversation for a whole other post, but, the older I get, the more I contemplate the idea of a "career" and if that's actually something that is important to me. I go back and forth, but I really think that THIS is what's more important: experiencing life and going where the wind takes me, even if that means leading a fairly nomadic life without a "career" guiding it. This decision to go live in France may very well mean that I take a hiatus from training/performing. Part of me is scared that I'll never return to it. If we're being totally real, though, I know that's impossible. I'm drawn to art and culture more than anything else and I don't think I could stay away from it if I tried. I definitely want to continue dancing while I'm there, and who knows what other opportunities will present themselves! Additionally, I've always said that if/when I get the TAPIF, that's when I'll start looking at grad schools, and seriously consider the options in the UK. So there's that!

I really believe that I am being sent to France right now for a reason. And not just for me. I feel like I am about to do some really important work, and I only hope that I'll be able to make a positive impact on the students. I hope that I can impart more knowledge than just English grammar; I hope that I'll be able to share what I've learned about culture and embracing that, about learning about world and exploring what exists beyond your own backyard, and about being grateful for the twists and turns in your life, even when it seems really dark... Not to get super heavy, but I really hope I can be a light for a kid who really needs it.

My light has been out for a while. It flickered back on when I moved to New York and then was quickly extinguished again in the New Year. It hasn't been the easiest transition, or really the easiest year, since leaving Florida. I felt very close to giving up before I got that email. I've been in a creative slump, I've been lonely, and I've been generally discouraged (the job hunt was getting real). Receiving that email, it was truly like a beacon. It's given me something to work towards, something to look forward to, and something to genuinely be excited about! God knew exactly what I needed, and while I thought He had abandoned me, He was just working to create something seriously awesome. What a huge gift and glorious blessing.



I just feel... lighter. I feel good! I haven't felt this motivated or excited about something in a really long time. I feel like the fire inside me is being rekindled and I am on the brink of a period of true fruitfulness. I knew that 2018 would be the year of my Personal Renaissance, I just didn't know that it would look like this!

As far as the things I know... I know that I will be in France for the 2018-19 school year, and I'll be teaching English at a secondary level school (middle to high school ages). I have been assigned to the region of Versailles, which is right outside of PARIS. *Dreams do come true!* I do not know yet exactly which school, nor do I know what my housing situation will be. My departure date has yet to be determined, as well, but I anticipate leaving sometime in September/October.

I am seriously so excited for this next chapter! I love Paris and I love France and I love travel and I can't wait to get back in that place of immersion where you just take it one day at a time and soak it all up. I know I've spoken a lot here about the more serious thoughts I'm having about this TAPIF, but there are so many more light and bouncy ones, too! I'm already making my Paris/France/Europe bucket list for all the things I want to make sure I see and explore while I'm there. I'm sure I'll have lots of musings as the fall approaches, so don't be surprised if it becomes a hot topic around here! To all of you who have reached out with your kind words of congratulations and support, a huge thank you! My joy and gratitude are absolutely overflowing. I better start brushing up on my French!

Recommit in February!

How are we already three days into February? I thought 2017 flew by, but it seems like 2018 is going to move just as quickly! As we enter into this second month of the year, I'm sure I'm not the only one reflecting on my New Year's Resolutions, and where I stand in my progress. Obviously, we all know there is nothing magical about January 1st. We don't just enter into the New Year and miraculously have our lives all figured out. For some people, though, the Beginning is a great motivator to make some changes! After that beginning, though, we have to make the conscious decision to stick to our guns and achieve our goals. This February, I encourage you to take another look at the resolutions you set for yourself, and recommit to them!

One of my goals was to get this blog back up and running. While I obviously have done that, I'm going to recommit to my content, and give it some more of my attention. This blog is both an outlet and an inspiration for my creativity! I have found that since I decided to make 2018 my Personal Renaissance, I have done quite a bit more writing, which has brought some clarity to my life. A lot of it is very close personal stuff that maybe one day I will share. For now, though, this is my platform for public writing, inspiring, and connecting. I hope that in the coming weeks, you find something that speaks to you!

Over this weekend, I challenge you to take a good hard look at what you want to accomplish this year. Maybe your intentions or circumstances have changed. Maybe you need something else out of your life right now than you'd anticipated. There's nothing wrong with adjusting your goals as your life changes. Be real with yourself, and push yourself towards those goals! I know I will. If you need an accountability partner, go out and get one! And remember, I'm always here for you, whatever you need. What are your current goals? How was January for you? How are you going to make even bigger strides from here on out? Let's inspire each other!

100 Happy Days

About a week and a half ago, I hit my 100-day anniversary of moving to NYC! For each of those days, I had posted a photo on Instagram under the hashtag #100happydays. I chose to do this challenge right when I moved to keep my focus on the good things, however small or large. I knew the move wouldn't be easy, and I had of course heard about how much New York City can kick you around. I wanted to make sure I was holding onto positivity, even when the going got tough.

So, here are some of the highlights from my first 100 days! These are MY favorite memories, and they're all for different reasons, whether it's a significant event or one of those little things. There are quite a few here, but how could I possibly choose when my first 100 days were so jam packed???


Enjoying the view of downtown NYC from my window on my first night in my new home.


One of my first days in the city, my friend Kaila showed me some of the highlights of Central Park. The weather was gorgeous, the park was beautiful, and it was so fun hanging out with one of my Disney pals!


My first day working at THE Kleinfeld! Yes, where they film Say Yes to the Dress. And yes, there was a camera crew there.


I had started working at a neighborhood Italian restaurant, Casa Apicii, in Greenwich Village, thanks to one of my college friends, Joe (the goof with the 'state), and there was a whole crew of cool people working there who were from or had gone to school in Cleveland. Here are all seven of us!


The new girls at Casa Apicii and the opening day of what would come to be known as "The Leg Show". Shout out to Sophia and Callee, who would become really wonderful friends.


I had gotten new glasses, which was a big deal cause my old ones were constantly falling off my face and they were really boring. I loooove my new specs!


One of my favorite parts about living here is how many people come to visit! Seeing Hannah was so much fun!


Being someone with lots of dietary restrictions, I really appreciate how accessible alternative options are here. By Chloe has become one of my go-to spots for vegan and gluten-free eats, and this mac and cheese is amaaaaaaazing!


Miranda is one of my favorite humans ever and I LOVED having the chance to see "War Paint" with her while she was in town!


I'm including this purely because I felt like a million bucks that night as I channeled old Hollywood Glamour in this awesome green velvet dress.


This is Marco. We did West Side Story together in Florida, and seeing him in the city was so so so great! He's an amazing human.


Landed a seasonal contact at lululemon! I'd been wanting to work for the company for a long time and being a part of that team, even if only for a short while, was so much fun and introduced me to some really incredible people. Plus I got to work at arguably the most beautiful store ever on 5th Ave right across from Rockefeller Center!


Guys... sometimes there really is nothing better than coming home and getting cozy. Also I love Mickey bandaids.


I was not looking forward to spending the holidays away from family, but then I got to spend Thanksgiving with my best friend and extended fam, which was most excellent! Plus mine and Stephen's amazing Trivial Pursuit victory.


Courtney is one of my oldest and best friends from high school, and when she came to visit with her husband, I was so excited to spend the day with them! This is us at the Top of the Rock, enjoying a stunning view of Manhattan.


When lululemon came out with pieces in orange and dark maroon, I couldn't help but be reminded of Cleveland Browns colors, so you bet I rocked them head to toe! I never miss an opportunity to represent my city!


This is one of the biggest steps I've taken so far with my hand lettering/art business. I was invited by one of my friends from Disney, who now works as a manager at J Crew in the city, to participate in their Local Artisan Event and sell my holiday cards, gift bags, tags, etc in their store! Just getting the exposure and being a part of this event was a huge accomplishment and I can't wait to do more things like this in the future and continue building my brand!


Christmas!!! While it kind of had a rocky start, I ended up having a really lovely holiday, again spending it with my extended family, but also having a good FaceTime date with my actual family back in Cleveland! Also, my best friend, Kasey, had my mom send her my childhood stocking so that I would have it on Christmas. That surprise was SO incredibly special, it had me in literal tears. I still can't believe they did that for me!


A couple of days after the holiday, my parents came to visit. It was my mom's first time in NYC and we had a great time! It was bitter cold outside, but the New York Public Library provided excellent relief from the frozen streets. Plus, just look at that tree!


This is Tatum. I met her one day while I was working at Kleinfeld. Her and her mother came in because Tatum is a HUGE fan of Say Yes to the Dress. Since it was a quiet day in the salon, I got to show her around the store! She was so sweet and thankful! I could tell by both her and her mother's reactions that this was a really special experience for them. It was so great to feel like I was making magic in a child's life again. She was the one that asked for a photo with me!


New Year's Eve! Putting 2017 behind me was incredibly significant, and that day was a really tough one. But Kasey convinced me to throw on a sparkly dress, put some mascara on those lashes, and come to their infamous New Year's Eve party that I'd been hearing about for years. I'm so glad I did. I met some really cool people, got to know some friends better, made a perfect crepe, wined and dined, and threw literal handfuls of confetti! It was such a fun night and I'm so happy to have rung in 2018 with my best friend.


That time I got to play dress up in wedding gowns at work. I felt like a real life princess!


The first audition of this winter audition season with two amazing friends, one from Disney and one from lululemon. I love having some amazing, strong women in my life to inspire and support each other!


The last day of the challenge, I got my hair cut. I love these bangs because I haven't had them since graduating high school and I love being reminded of that girl who went out and chased adventure. The girl who left her home to live in Belgium. The girl who made art every day. The girl who wrote half a novel in a month. That girl has grown up and now she knows so much and has experienced so much, but I still get to learn from her and take those lessons into my adult life. It may just be a haircut, but it does represent some pretty deep stuff. Plus it's hella cute ;)

It was actually much more difficult than I'd anticipated to choose the highlights from my 100 Happy Days Project. There were so many beautiful moments in that time, and I'm so glad I forced myself to record even some mundane ones, like my evening cup of tea or the comfy socks I was enjoying at the time. Time moves so quickly here; it's become clear to me how important it is to document my experience. Looking back through these photos was a great way to remember the happy little moments and memories, as well as remember how many amazing people I have in my life. Here's to the next 100 days!

Have you done the 100 Happy Days Challenge? What did it bring to light for you?

The Road to New York City

As I close my 100-day mark in NYC, it occurs to me that not a lot of people know how I managed to finally make this move to the Big Apple! The reason I want to tell this story is because it is a true testament to trust and faith that things will work out the way they're supposed to; that beautiful things can happen, even in the midst of hopelessness.



May 2017. I had been trying to move to New York City for the better part of a year. I was living in Orlando and my situation was rocky. I was in the midst of a really complicated break up, I was artistically dry, and I knew I needed a change. Staying in Orlando just didn't make sense anymore. My heart was saying "New York, New York!", but it was clear that it wasn't the time. There were plans made over and over again, only to be repeatedly shot down. It felt like there were road blocks in every direction. So, I made the only decision that seemed to be clear of obstacles: I could move home.

That's how I ended up back in Cleveland, living with my parents, working with my dad, and spending most nights watching Frasier reruns. It was a really lonely summer. I realized that I couldn't really just slip back into my cozy little Cleveland life after being gone for two years. My friends were engaged, married, expecting, buying houses, moving away, starting careers, and I was... not. My relationship had gone down in flames, I had no direction, my best friends were a thousand miles away, home life was strained, I was sick all the time, I was totally lost. Thankfully I had an artistic opportunity at Cleveland Public Theatre, thanks to one of my CSU profs. You better believe I held onto that with everything I had, because other than that glimmer of light, I was entirely depressed.

The scariest part of about all of this for me was that I almost entirely lost my faith. I felt abandoned, particularly by God. I couldn't wrap my brain around why He would allow me to go through this sort of depression. Why was the rug constantly being pulled out from under me? Why had so many people let me down? Why was He saying no to my ambitions? Why was I sick every night? Why was my relationship over? All these questions cycled through my head 24/7. Even in my sleep, I would dream about these questions. It was exhausting. I was so frustrated with God. I was ANGRY at Him. Even sitting through church was impossible. Shout out to the stranger who approached me in the prayer garden outside St. Matthias after I had fled the sanctuary in a full blown panic attack after the opening hymn. I had been sitting there in front of the statue of Mary for probably 45 minutes, sobbing, when a man came up to me, handed me a worn card of St. Anne, and said something to the effect of, "I don't know what's going on, but remember it too will pass." I still keep that baseball type card in my wallet.



Anyway, I got some help. I saw a spiritual director and a therapist. I went on a retreat with my mom. I tried to help myself out of this hole that just seemed to be getting deeper. There were moments of serious clarity and happiness in this! At one point, I had made plans to hike a 500 mile pilgrimage across northern Spain (the Camino de Santiago, if you've heard of it). As luck would have it, every one of these moments was met with an equally powerful moment of deflation. That pilgrimage? It was canceled because of my health issues. Meanwhile, I had given up on New York. As much as I wanted to go, I concluded that it just wasn't in the cards for me. So I started looking for a full time job and an apartment in Cleveland. I found the perfect apartment and two different job prospects that seemed like sure things. I thought I was finally getting somewhere! They all fell through at the last second.

That was rock bottom. I remember standing in my parents' kitchen, home alone, crying, looking up to the ceiling, throwing my hands up in defeat and yelling "it's in your hands now God! I'm giving all of this to you because I can't handle it anymore!"

It had all culminated in that moment: the depression, the panic attacks, the illness, the loneliness, the hurt, the loss, the jobs, the apartment, the breakup, the defeat, the road blocks, all of it. I threw it all in God's lap because I was collapsing under the weight and He was the only one who could take it. You know how people talk about "giving it up to God" and "a weight off your shoulders" and all the other sayings like that? I always understood them in theory but had never really experienced that sensation. That is, until that moment. For the first time all summer, I felt at peace.



Just a couple days after that, I went to New Jersey to visit my best friend, Kasey. I spent a week there, hanging out, shopping, enjoying some time away from Cleveland. It's only a short 45 minutes to NYC from her town, so I went into the city a few days and saw some friends. Then, PLOT TWIST, the craziest thing happened! I saw on Facebook that one of my old friends from Cleveland, who I hadn't seen in years, was leaving New York to go back home and was looking for people to fill her position at Kleinfeld (yes, of Say Yes to the Dress). On a whim, I sent my resume through. Within three days I had a job offer! Nora had also told me that she needed to sublet her room in her apartment in Manhattan and asked if I was interested. Needless to say, I went back to Cleveland and told my parents I was moving to New York City!

I was home for three days. I packed up everything I could fit in two suitcases, got a few boxes ready to be shipped out to me, booked a flight, and made the move! It was amazing insanity. I still can't believe it happened that way.

I don't tell this story looking for sympathy or pity. I tell it because I KNOW there are others out there suffering with similar things. I know we've all experienced at least one of these feelings before. I'm here to tell you that THINGS. WORK. OUT. The key is trust. It wasn't until I fully trusted God, and put every ounce of strength I had into doing so, that the door finally opened. All the rejection was because something bigger and better, something that I actually WANTED was ready for me. I just needed to be ready for it. I wouldn't be ready until I let go of all that weight. And now, here I am, 100 days into my Big City adventure, and I am beyond grateful for the outcome of that summer. I suffered, but out of the suffering came something truly amazing. I am living out my dream! I am healthy, I am motivated, and I am finding my place. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with some stuff. Some days are still hard. But I keep trying to remember what it felt like to give it up to the Lord. As they say, "with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).